Geektionary

adminisphere - the rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file; decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve

alpha geek - the most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group

assmosis - the process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard

blamestorming - sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible

blowing your buffer - losing one’s train of thought; occurs when the person you are speaking with won’t let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed

bozone - the substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating; the bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future

cashtration - the act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period

CGI Joe - a hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure

crapplet - a badly written or profoundly useless Java applet

cube farm - an office filled with cubicles

depotphobia - fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of how much money one might spend; electronics geeks experience “shackophobia”

dilberted - to be exploited and oppressed by your boss; derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character

Elvis Year - the peak year of something’s popularity

foreploy - any misrepresentation or outright lie about yourself that leads to sex

generic - features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is
glazing - corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open; a popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings

gray matter - older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms looking to appear more reputable and established

hepatitis - terminal coolness

idea hamsters - people who always seem to have their idea generators running

intaxication - euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with
irritainment - entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them

It’s a Feature - used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over

keyboard plaque - the disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards

kinstipation - a painful inability to move relatives who come to visit

lullabuoy - an idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you from drifting off to sleep

mouse potato - the online, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato

ohnosecond - that minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a big mistake

open-collar workers - people who work at home or telecommute

PEBCAK - tech support shorthand for “Problem Exists Between Chair and Keyboard;” techies are often arrogant, they’ve submitted numerous acronyms and terms that poke fun at the clueless users who call them up with frighteningly stupid questions; another variation on the above is ID10T

percussive maintenance - the fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again
prairie dogging - when someone yells or drops something loudly in a cubefarm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on
salmon day - the experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end

sarchasm - the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it

seagull manager - a manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps all over everything and then leaves

square-headed girlfriend - another word for a computer; the victim of a square-headed girlfriend is a “computer widow”

starter marriage - a short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets

stress puppy - a person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny

treeware - hacker slang for documentation or other printed material

umfriend - a sexual relation of dubious standing, for example, “This is uh.. Dale, my…um…friend…”

world wide wait - the real meaning of www

yuppie food stamps - the ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere; often used when trying to split the bill after a meal

xerox subsidy - euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace